12th August 2019

Anglaise

Stanmore Bay Beach – Summer – 5:42 pm (sunset) 

It is summer, the affable pohutukawa trees stand hazily above the coastline of the beach. Warm and calm, the evening air comforts all. Broad groups of people spectate the sun while it is being lowered down towards the edge of the world, it is the beginning of the end.

Listen, hear the waves folding in beneath the sandy shore, the sounds are exquisite as though they were created by Mozart himself. Faintly, birds chirp  away in the distance. The wholesome sound of friends laughing affirms you that you will have the best of times. Sparsely cars begin to drive away from the beach carpark heading back to a cushy home, the engines all making a muscular sound.

It is dusk, the sun begins to doze its weary head upon the sealine. The night is young but the day is over. Families take their children home, but one group of friends are all that remain. Camaraderie highlights the nights’ mood. The friendship between them had lasted many years, as it will continue to last for millennia. They sit together as the last vestiges of the sun nonchalantly fade away. The birds will soon stop their songs, the trees now stand rigid and firm. The evening air turns a shade of white and begins to reform itself into a coagulated state ready to accompany the moonlight walkers. Should the night combat the mood that the sun so effortlessly provided, fires light up in synchronisation across the beach.

Look, the orange glow of the fire consumes the now chilled air and recycles it to warmth. The moon stands stiff, emitting a cool lit atmosphere. The beach is now empty, nothing to be seen that even remotely resembles another human. The stars dance together in the moonlit sky, woven together as though they are inseparable. The night is cool and dark but the air is still warm and comforting, a departing gift from the sun as he retires for the evening. It is such a confusing place and time to be at, a cold and harsh night sky combating the warm and amiable air. Look, can you witness the waves as they calm themselves, what was once a rigorous surfers dream has subsequently reformed into a blanket of water. Slight ripples can be seen on the top of the sea as they cascade along the sea.

And then you gaze into the open sky, the stars shine their divine light into your eyes. You can hear the alluring sounds of wind running through the leaves, just like the wind chimes out on the front porch at home, married with the sound of conversation from your friends. You can smell the sulfuric salt in your nose which emanates from the sea. You can feel the sand between your feet, as they shift between your toes, you dig them further into the sand. You can taste the faint smoke from the fire, it smells divine. A thought comes to mind, these nights are ones you will remember for years to come, the ones that are spent invaluably with life–long friends and balmy nights.


Join the conversation! 2 Comments

  1. Hi Ethan,

    You need to follow the structure outlined on the class blog with details on what each paragraph requires as you continue through your writing.
    Use greater variety in the figurative language techniques when you describe the setting. You are relying on a very simple style of personification, take it further so that your description becomes more detailed. You need to create a setting that your reader is transported to through your writing.
    Avoid using basic and common ways to describe the setting, this is about using deliberate language choices that reflect your setting.
    Be wary of using empty adjectives, as we discussed in class, these are words that are used to describe something and yet provide no tangible detail.
    Establish something that will serve as the connective tissue for your writing. Think of the Tarras example and how the use of mist carries the reader through the text.

    Work hard.

    Mr Johnson

    Reply
  2. Hi Ethan,

    Feedback:
    – avoid cliche expressions
    – don’t move through time too quickly in the piece – slow it down somewhat, so that the scene feels comprehensively explored

    And most importantly, you must work with total focus moving ahead – you don’t have much considering the time you have left.

    GB

    Reply

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Writing