Creativity writing.exe
Jerry, alone in his prison cell, gazed blankly into the cold stone that surrounded him, he hadn’t spoken to anyone since he arrived at Minnesota correctional facility. Jerry had only become a more nervous and bumbling man, afraid to talk to anyone or get himself hurt. It had been only two months which had passed since he was sentenced to 5 years in Jail, the courtroom where he was sentenced weighed heavily on his mind, Jerry wasn’t a criminal, he had never intended to hurt anyone. His mind circled back to his son, Scotty. Jerry thought about Scotty every second of every day,
Who is your character and where is it happening?
My character is Jerry and it is set in a prison.
What is your inciting incident and how do you get there ?
My inciting incident is Jerry feeling guilt about leaving his son.
Where do you cross the threshold?
When Jerry escapes prison
How does the action rise?
When Jerry finds out Gaear escaped prison during a riot and is now in pursuit of Jerry’s son to get revenge on Jerry
When does your character get knocked down?
While on his way to Kenya, Gaear injuries Jerry in a brawl. Gaear then is forced to flee as police arrive on scene, both Jerry and Gaear manage to escape.
Why does your character get back up?
Because Jerry thinks that by saving his son from Gaear, he will finally feel free from his guilt.
Hi Ethan,
It is very clear that you have a fully realised story in your mind in this piece. Nice opening.
Something to be careful of is repeating yourself. “Jerry had only become”, “It had been only” both start sentences immediately after each other. These are two very similar sentence starters, it is important to find a greater variety of ways to express your thoughts.
Nice use of description of the “cold stone” coupled with the isolation of Jerry being alone. You don’t continue this kind of description throughout the writing however.
Some editing of your sentences is required as well. There are times where you use a comma when a full stop would work better.